HOW TO GET DRUNK AND STILL SCORE POINTS WITH THE WIFE
A guy wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless clean. And so's the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast, fresh newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Father (F): "Son, what happened yesterday?"

Son (S): "Oh, the usual. You came home after 3 am, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave mom a black eye."

(F): "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and the food is on the table?"

(S): "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said "Bitch! Leave me alone, I am married!"