HOW TO GET DRUNK AND STILL SCORE POINTS WITH THE WIFE
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast, fresh newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Father (F): "Son, what happened yesterday?"
Son (S): "Oh, the usual. You came home after 3 am, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave mom a black eye."
(F): "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and the food is on the table?"
(S): "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
take your pants off you said "Bitch! Leave me alone, I am married!"