A TERRIBLE LANGUAGE
There is no egg in the eggplant, ham in the hamburger neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted. But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?

If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat?

Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all).

That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story ends?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?